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When it comes to dating, backpackers are a funny bunch. We tend to be pretty fit, low-maintenance, and endearingly full of useless nature facts. Unfortunately, we also tend to have a poor grasp of basic personal hygiene, and we do things like wear swim trunks as shorts or insist that a plastic baggy makes a perfectly adequate wallet. To make matters worse, we frequently choose wilderness solitude over the social events favored by our more well-adjusted peers. All that can make it tough to find a mate.
When a cutie does catch your eye, it can be difficult to tell whether they’re your type without asking such invasive questions as, “How long is too long to go without taking a shower?” and, “How many Honey Buns can you put down in a single sitting?” Those questions can certainly help you weed out non-hikers, but the directness could put off your intended.
Instead, we’d like to invite you to try something much more discomfiting: these 19 pickup lines.
- Hey girl, is your WFR certification current? Because my heart’s been skipping beats ever since I laid eyes on you.
- I see you have dried apricots in that trail mix. I’ve got a better idea—how about a date?
- I think you’d be a great partner in a survival situation. I mean, you didn’t even need a match to light my fire.
- Are you a 0.2-micron water filter? Because you are looking fine.
- Sorry, I don’t know how far it is to the summit. I haven’t been tracking my mileage because I’m not usually into numbers—but I’d love to get yours.
- Are you an RV campground? Because I could really use a hookup tonight.
- Do you have an extra iodine tablet? Because I’m going to need all the help I can get to purify the dirty thoughts I’m having about you.
- Are you my headlamp? Because I can already see myself turning you on and then accidentally falling asleep.
- What kind of pro deal do you get on hiking pants? Because they’re 100-percent off at my place.
- This year, snow on the PCT might come early—but I never will.
- Did I accidentally get DEET in my synthetic clothing—or is that you making my panties melt?
- I’m working on pitching a tent over here. Want to give me a hand?
- Are you a single-wall ultralight tent with heinous condensation problems? Because I just know you’re going to make me wet tonight.
- A night with me is like trying to cook pasta at altitude: I’ll stay hard no matter what you do.
- I showered today.
- I showered yesterday.
- I have a right-zip sleeping bag.
- I have a packet of baby wipes back in my tent.
- May I check you for ticks?
From 2025