Camping D.B. Cooper Wannabe?

Financial fugitive arrested at Alabama campsite after attempted parachute escape

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When embattled financial adviser Marcus Schrenker made a desperate and dramatic attempt to escape his woes, he pulled out all the stops, setting a “top this” roadmap for future fugitives.

Step One: Fly your single-engine plane over Alabama, make a fake distress call, and ditch your plane with a parachute. Don’t sweat the fact that your Piper will wreck hundreds of miles away in Florida, close to a residential area.

Step Two: Make your way on foot to a motorycle, extra clothes, and cash you previously stowed in a storage unit near Childersburg, Ala. (Note to self: Do not forget to put motorcycle, clothes, and cash in storage area ahead of time).

Step Three: Set up your tent for a quick overnight at a campsite near Quincy, Fla. Optional: Get caught by 20 U.S. Marshals, alone in your tent, with a deep gash on your wrist.

Officers arrested Schrenker, suspected of defrauding his clients, within two days, stopping his cross-country-fugitive camping trip almost as quickly as it began. Maybe his wilderness escape isn’t such a good idea for prospective escapees. Schrenker is currently under custody and treatment at a Tallahassee hospital.

Don’t feel too bad, Marcus. You could’ve turned out like D.B. Sweeney: Likely dead, with 8-year-olds finding your cash in a river and rap-rock artists writing songs about you.

—Ted Alvarez

Pilot’s 3-Day Run From Ruin Ends (NY Times)