Published January 14, 2009 02:00PM
When embattled financial adviser Marcus Schrenker made a desperate and dramatic attempt to escape his woes, he pulled out all the stops, setting a “top this” roadmap for future fugitives.
Step One: Fly your single-engine plane over Alabama, make a fake distress call, and ditch your plane with a parachute. Don’t sweat the fact that your Piper will wreck hundreds of miles away in Florida, close to a residential area.
Step Two: Make your way on foot to a motorycle, extra clothes, and cash you previously stowed in a storage unit near Childersburg, Ala. (Note to self: Do not forget to put motorcycle, clothes, and cash in storage area ahead of time).
Step Three: Set up your tent for a quick overnight at a campsite near Quincy, Fla. Optional: Get caught by 20 U.S. Marshals, alone in your tent, with a deep gash on your wrist.
Officers arrested Schrenker, suspected of defrauding his clients, within two days, stopping his cross-country-fugitive camping trip almost as quickly as it began. Maybe his wilderness escape isn’t such a good idea for prospective escapees. Schrenker is currently under custody and treatment at a Tallahassee hospital.
“His apprehension brings to an end one of the more inventive escape attempts I have ever said,” John F. Clark, director of the United States Marshals Service, said in a statement. “Just as important is the fact that once our people found Schrenker, and realized what bad shape he was in, they were every bit as determined to save his life as they were to track him down.”
Don’t feel too bad, Marcus. You could’ve turned out like D.B. Sweeney: Likely dead, with 8-year-olds finding your cash in a river and rap-rock artists writing songs about you.
—Ted Alvarez