Published May 18, 2009 12:45PM
We’re often told wolves aren’t that dangerous, and don’t mean humans any harm, and that’s almost always true. But they also possess the tools to be freaking terrifying: A Yellowstone wolf has picked up the nasty habit of chasing humans on bikes and even motorcycles. (I sort of can’t blame him: It’s gotta be easier than taking down a bison.)
The Old Faithful-area wolf recently chased a woman on a bike, and when she flagged down a truck for help, the wolf took off with a can of oil that fell out of the bed. Park rangers and biologists think the wolf has been fed by humans, and now that it’s habituated, it must be considered a danger to all the fanny-packed visitors.
Unfortunately, the decision to chase down humans on two wheels is a fatal one for the wolf:
“When they cross a line of human safety, we get rid of the wolf,” said Doug Smith, Yellowstone wolf project leader. “In the Old Faithful situation, that wolf has clearly crossed the line. I think it is a curious young animal that means no harm, but we can’t take the risk that it will hurt people.”
That sucks for the wolf, but I think we’re overlooking a crucial piece of evidence. When given the opportunity to dine on succulent manflesh, the wolf instead took off with a can of Castrol. My guess is the wolf just needs to service his own chopper. I mean, what else is he going to do—stroll into AutoZone?
—Ted Alvarez