11 Signs Your Partner Loves Their Gear More Than You

You’re having a perfect evening in camp with your partner. The stars are out, the evening’s instant-mashed-potatoes-with-bacon-bits (your signature dish) was barely burned. The air feels electric, the romance is as palpable as the acrid campfire smoke that keeps wafting into your face. Your partner keeps glancing toward the tent, a sly smile on their face, and you know what that means: It’s on.

Finally, the embers burn low. You douse the fire, and when you turn around, you notice your SO has already crawled into the tent ahead of you. The door is open, fluttering suggestively in the breeze. You know a hint when you see one.

You army-crawl seductively through the tiny single door and sidle up to your partner, as suave as anyone can be expected to be in a low-ceilinged ultralight 2-person with zero headroom. You get close, your partner turns their face toward you, and you close your eyes.

“What the hell!?” they say. You sit up with a start. “I can’t believe you wore your shoes in my brand new Cuben Fiber Ultralight Dyneema Ultra Duplex GSX4000!” That’s when you realize it wasn’t your arms your partner was longing to be enveloped in—it was the embrace of their new tent’s gossamer 30-denier silnylon.

These are the moments that humble us. These are the oh-so-gentle messages from the universe that remind us that, as much as we want to put our romantic relationships on a pedestal—as much as we believe that the romcoms were right and our beloved will worship us above all else—there will always be some things that your partner has to prioritize above you. No, I’m not talking about their family or their God or their sense of self—that would be ridiculous. I’m talking about their gear.

Are you in such a relationship? Do you lay awake at night wondering if your partner is thinking of you, only to hear them whisper in their sleep the name of a beloved backpack or pair of skis? Sometimes, it’s better to know the truth. Here are ten signs that your partner loves their gear more than they love you.

1. They have been late for a date night because they “lost track of time” while tuning a set of skis, tinkering with a bike, or submerging an inflatable sleeping pad in the bathtub for the thousandth time even though you assured them it didn’t have a leak.
2. They show up to date nights in their “nice puffy” and believe this passes for cocktail attire.
3. When you think your partner’s mad at you on a long drive, and you finally work up the courage to ask them what they’re thinking about, they say something like, “I just don’t know whether to go with a removable hipbelt or a fixed hipbelt,” or “I forgot to take my down sleeping bag out of the stuff sack within two hours and I’m really worried that I’ve compromised the loft.”
4. They frequently stop passersby on the trail, slope, or crag to inquire about that person’s kit. You know you’ll have more luck doing your own thing for the next half hour than trying to drag them away before they’ve had time to discuss all the critical specs.
5. When you get home from a trip, they rush to lovingly clean, unpack, and sort their gear as quickly as possible. They don’t eat until the gear is taken care of—even if you, their beloved adventure buddy—would prefer a slightly different order of operations.
6. They have co-opted the guest room, office, entire garage, or that hall closet you used to keep your crafting stuff in. This room is now “the gear room,” and is somehow better color-coded and organized than any other room in the house.
7. Your partner does not let you use their gear without direct supervision. When you ask, they produce a litany of innovative and almost-believable excuses. If they do concede to lend out their kit, you first receive a thorough rundown of the current condition, expense, and or appropriate use case for each item. In extreme cases, this may be accompanied by a spreadsheet that lists each piece of gear, its quantity, and its pre-trip condition.
8. They take you on trips you don’t really want to go on because they have a new pair of shoes they just have to test out on horrendous terrain, or a rad new tent that’s rated to withstand 40-mph gusts. They assure you that you’ll love it (you don’t).
9. Your partner sometimes forgets your birthday, anniversary, or other critical life events. They cannot remember to go to the dentist or to take their car in for an emissions test. But, somehow, they always manage to reseal their seams and reapply DWR on time, every year, just like clockwork.
10. Quality time with your partner often turns into an evening of you smiling, nodding, and chugging your wine while they embark on a long-winded ramble about a new engineering tweak, colorway, or fabric technology.
11. You have, more than once, discovered that your nice scissors, favorite screwdriver, nail polish, or lip balm have been commandeered for an ill-fated repair project.

If the aforementioned pieces of evidence resonate, consider your fears affirmed. While it’s easy to wonder how you got here or ruminate on where it all went wrong, remember to try to be kind to yourself.

Maybe you saw it coming and chose to ignore the warning signs. Maybe you accidentally fell in love with this person because you mistook their obsession as “an endearing quirk,” or “proof they’re passionate about something.” Maybe you thought they would grow out of it, but they never did.

Regardless, it’s best not to blame yourself, but to look forward. You now have two options. You can thank them for the good times, cut your losses, and get out while you still can. Or, you can make the smart choice: continue to let them buy you expensive stuff, and then hawk it on the internet when they’re not looking.