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Brave Cougar Survives Hiker Attack

Poor cat had nothing but instincts to rely on

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When we talk about wilderness survival stories where man is pitted against beast, too often we rush to take the side of humanity. What about the plight of the mountain lion, bear, or other carnivore, suddenly attacked by a vicious hiker? Who cries for them or lauds their incredible survival skills?

The Onion, that’s who:

Despite overwhelming odds, the cougar managed to face down its fears and triumph:

Even the experts have lauded the mountain lion’s decision-making process under pressure, noting that “repeated biting of the skull and face is the textbook way to fend off a human attack.”

Whew — that was a close call. What a lucky cat. Had I come across a rogue band of hikers, I’d like to think I could fight them off in much the same way, but just I don’t know that I would’ve reacted the same way. Mmm.

— Ted Alvarez

Brave Mountain Lion Fends Off Group Of Hikers (The Onion)

(In case your confused, The Onion are purveyors of top-drawer satire. No actual families were killed…we think.)