Q: I am not a backpacker—but I am a beekeeper. I don’t really want to electrify my bee yard, but I do want you to stay away. Do you think I would scare you away if I had an elaborate fence with pretty loud cow bells that would ring at the first touch of your nose? —Beekeep, via email A: I hate to be such a cliché, but Winnie the Pooh was no anomaly: I loooove me some honey. More specifically, I’m interested in the fat and protein-rich bee larvae (though I will eat plenty of honey). In fact, I’m preternaturally gifted at getting the sweet stuff. My long claws enable me to both climb high trees and tear apart the honey combs, and my thick fur and general toughness wards off thousands of stinging insects.
Most professional beekeepers employ a painful electric fence, which I personally applaud you for avoiding—even though it’s quite effective. But keeping me away from your honey won’t be easy. A system of loud cowbells might startle me momentarily, but if it yields no real threat, I’ll probably press on, goaded by the scent of tasty grubs and honey.
But a few techniques might work. First, you might consider putting your hives on your roof, especially if you have an unclimbable brick or sheer-walled house. The second method: Place your beehives on elevated platforms atop metal poles, which I can’t climb. A ladder will allow you to access your hives as usual. This requires more time, building savvy, and investment, but it might be your best bet.
Got a question for the bear? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.