Would A Bear Buy This Back Scratcher?

Balloon Boy's father, Richard Heene, returns with the Bear Scratch
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Balloon Boy's father, Richard Heene, returns with the Bear Scratch

The obvious answer is no: I wouldn't buy a Bear Scratch because let's face it, I've got a million trees to choose from, whenever I want. But that's not going to stop you humans from trying. To wit, Richard Heene, (in)famous father of Balloon Boy Falcon, has decided to make another grab for the spotlight with his Patent-Pending Bear Scratch. And yes, it's essentially a piece of glazed wood with brackets to attach to your house. 

But don't take it from me—let a terrifyingly exuberant Heene explain this high-tech gadget in this video:

While it's nice that Heene's donating 5 percent of the proceeds before Thanksgiving to the Salvation Army, I can't help but feel uncomfortable when I see Falcon making a cameo in these vids. I'd never let my cubs near a camera again—but maybe that's just the protective Mama Bear in me talking.

—BEAR

Bear Scratch