Talk about disappointment: A young aspiring diamond thief, likely awash with Thomas Crown Affair and Pink Panther dreams, tried to rob a Black Diamond store in Salt Lake City, UT, only to find out that the outdoor retailer doesn't actually carry any diamonds. That, as they say, is priceless.
At 3 a.m. on Saturday, the clearly unprepared robber accosted two night shift employees with an ice pick (not the best plan in a store full of ice axes and crampons) and said "give me your precious metals and the money." After a few awkward minutes, the employees explained that BD doesn't traffic in precious gems, so he instead demanded "anything of value" and made off with computers, "hooks used by climbers," and whatever else he thought might possess black-market worth.
Luckily, no one was hurt in the robbery. The assailant is described as being Polynesian, between 20 and 30 years old,about 6 feet 3 inches tall, with a shaved head, and heavy tattoos on his right arm. He was last seen wearing a red shirt and khaki pants.
I'm sure that puts a crimp in his plans to buy a yacht and sail around the Caribbean with all the other dashing diamond thieves that don't exist. On the other hand, he could probably scrounge a couple of bucks selling off the loot to climbing dirtbags in Tuolomne Meadows or J Tree.