Bike-Chasing Wolf

Yellowstone rangers plan to kill a wolf that chases people on bikes and motorcycles

We're often told wolves aren't that dangerous, and don't mean humans any harm, and that's almost always true. But they also possess the tools to be freaking terrifying: A Yellowstone wolf has picked up the nasty habit of chasing humans on bikes and even motorcycles. (I sort of can't blame him: It's gotta be easier than taking down a bison.)

The Old Faithful-area wolf recently chased a woman on a bike, and when she flagged down a truck for help, the wolf took off with a can of oil that fell out of the bed. Park rangers and biologists think the wolf has been fed by humans, and now that it's habituated, it must be considered a danger to all the fanny-packed visitors.

Unfortunately, the decision to chase down humans on two wheels is a fatal one for the wolf:

"When they cross a line of human safety, we get rid of the wolf," said Doug Smith, Yellowstone wolf project leader. "In the Old Faithful situation, that wolf has clearly crossed the line. I think it is a curious young animal that means no harm, but we can't take the risk that it will hurt people."

That sucks for the wolf, but I think we're overlooking a crucial piece of evidence. When given the opportunity to dine on succulent manflesh, the wolf instead took off with a can of Castrol. My guess is the wolf just needs to service his own chopper. I mean, what else is he going to do—stroll into AutoZone?

—Ted Alvarez

Wolf in park will be killed (Casper Star-Tribune)